I needed to step away from the situation for a bit to get my mojo back, and now I get that I can still be awesome, and my friend and his girl are also awesome together.”Taking some time for yourself after an ego bruise is essential for showing up from a place of clarity and authenticity.Reconnecting to who you were before you got triggered by this situation will remind you how deserving you are of someone who reciprocates your feelings, making it easier for you to move on.Hudson recommends being open about your feelings from the get-go, particularly to “lower the chance of a friend-firing.” But being honest with your friend about your crush doesn’t mean you can set arbitrary rules about how anyone should act in order to protect your feelings or prove their loyalty to you.
Mc Veigh warns that this is a downward spiral with no upside.
“Ultimately what is meant for you will find you,” she says.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about what he had that I didn’t,” he says.
“Getting so wrapped up in comparing myself to my friend was making it even harder to act normally around both of them.
This dangerous thought pathway can hurt your friendship, not to mention your relationship with yourself. This also helps highlight that your friend and your crush are in the same boat, and no one is innately choosing to hurt you.
“Recognizing this as a fundamental fact will allow you to accept the situation and even be happy for your friend and your crush if they end up getting together.” That quote may make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, because it is quite clearly easier said than done. It took about three of those years for me to get over the loss of my friend, but what I learned from the situation is that they were obviously supposed to be together in a way that he and I never were. Perhaps if I had a better idea how to navigate my emotions, things would be different.“Having boundaries around the time you spend with your crush and best friend together as well as around how much time you spend thinking about your crush can be really helpful when processing your emotions,” says You don’t need to third-wheel their dates, and you don’t need to pretend to enjoy spending time with them together.
“Picking someone I could really word vomit my feelings too without judgment (my mom) and then promising not to obsess over it with other people helped me move on a lot more quickly,” she says.
As the situation unfolds, you may find your emotions come in waves.
While honoring your feelings is important, it’s also useful to recognize unhealthy feelings that might be holding you back.