But in the world we lived in, people often claimed a guy was gay if he wasn't a jock or really macho, so I didn't want to judge someone because of who his friends were and what he did. Besides, he'd taken a girl — me — out on a date, so how could he be gay?We immediately started seeing each other exclusively.I was also pleased that we had a similar religious upbringing.
This pronouncement made me feel more secure, but I shouldn't have ignored my nagging intuition that something was seriously wrong.
After all, what man wouldn't jump into bed with his fiancé.
C., suburbs, he curled into a fetal position on a porch chair and admitted more than I ever wanted to know: He had been having anonymous sex with men. it just happened...; At gay bars, there are back rooms with holes in the walls..." A wave of nausea swept over me as I listened to his agonized confession. We looked like the perfect family in our Christmas card portrait.
"I don't know how this could have happened," he stammered. But I kept quiet and thought, I've held up as long as I could. Both of us grew up in the small-town South, and Chris was in the military.
I thought it was a storybook romance for nine months — until Chris abruptly said, "I can't do this anymore." He refused to explain why; I was distraught and confused.
A few weeks later, over the holidays, we met to talk. Of course, I could have asked more questions, but I convinced myself that Chris had gotten cold feet because we had become serious so quickly.
We periodically see stories about married men in public life who are gay or have been implicated in homosexual behavior — such as Senator Larry Craig (R–Idaho), who was arrested last summer for allegedly soliciting a male police officer in an airport bathroom, and former New Jersey governor James Mc Greevey, who proclaimed that he was a "gay American" when he announced his resignation from office.
While the media focuses on the men, I watch their wives standing next to them and wonder about the suffering, lies, emotional confusion and rage that they may be living through. There are so many obvious questions for a wife like me: Didn't I realize he was gay? And if I had suspicions, why didn't I confront him earlier or divorce him?
When I confronted my husband, Chris (not his real name), with my test results that night, he denied he was to blame.
"They've got to be wrong, or I must have picked up something in the gym," he insisted.
We obviously still had feelings for each other, and without explaining why he'd split up with me, Chris declared, "If we're going to be together, let's make it official: Will you marry me? I also had a stubborn streak, which I practiced as a child and maintained throughout our marriage. I wanted to show Chris that I would stick with him through everything.